Smooth Criminal
by Abicion
Summary: Maybe she was a little headstrong.
1. Chapter 1

"For the most wanted hacker in the galaxy, Ed, you're a fucking dumbass."

Faye pressed her cigarette into the ashtray with a bored sigh. The Bebop crew was crowded around Edward's portable console and watched as she tried to infiltrate an important database. Spike and Jet were leaning against the back of the couch. Faye was sitting cross-legged on the floor. Ed hung upside-down from her seat with a VR visor covering her eyes. The rush of blood to her brain supposedly helped her concentrate on her seedy data mining activities, but that was probably just an excuse for her to act weird as usual. She had been at this current chore for what felt like an eternity, and she hadn't made any progress in ages.

"Grr. I'd like to see you do any better!" Ed snapped back at Faye.

"Give me the damn thing, then," Faye grumbled and rolled her eyes. "How hard could it be?"

Ed peeled off her headgear and tossed it in Faye's direction. Faye caught it on first her try and carefully slipped it over her short purple hair. She adjusted the wires to the circumference of her head and moved closer to the small console.

It took her a moment to find her bearings in the holographic VR environment, but she soon donned a cocky smirk. After breaking through a series of security firewalls, she tapped her fingers against her cheek in thought. Highlighting one of the icons on the console, she carelessly typed in another series of commands.

"Ah, that's what we're looking for. All I need to do is…"

Faye's entire body suddenly tensed. Something in her headset caused her to cringe, and she made a tiny, mouse-like squeaking sound through clenched teeth. After a second of brief and relatively humane discomfort, she regained her senses and lifted the visor from her eyes. As she shook her hair free, small clouds of smoke rose up around her bangs.

"Um… You okay, Faye-hun?" Ed had a perplexed look on her face.

"Defense drone uploaded," Faye said in the tone of a polite receptionist. "Now dispensing criminal prosecution protocols."

In a series of quick, systematic movements, Faye pulled the Glock 30 out of her jacket and aimed directly between Ed's upside-down eyes. The gun fired, sending the hacker to join the cast of Ed, Edd, and Deaddy.

"What the hell?" Spike rocked back in horror. Faye instantly spun toward him and unloaded the next bullet into his forehead. Then she snapped her attention toward an equally shocked Jet. She fired one round into his leg, one into his chest, and one into his brain.

Faye blew the smoke off of her barrel and cautiously scanned her surroundings. The only other living thing in the room was Ein, looking up from his dog bed and curiously panting at all the sudden commotion. Faye's lips curled into a relaxed smile.

"Zero threats found," Faye announced to no one in particular as she discarded the clip from her Glock. She rummaged through her shorts for more ammo. "One remaining garbage item scheduled for deletion."

She slid the new clip into her gun and locked it in place with her palm.

"Thank you for using our services," she cheerfully said. "Goodbye."

Faye pressed the chamber to her own temple, coiled her slender index finger around the trigger, and fired.


	2. The Clean-Up Crew

"Okay, the airlock's open. We're going in."

"When did we get the call?"

"Around 30 minutes ago. The Company probably resolved the issue a few hours before that."

"How many were there?"

"Two assailants and two accomplices, according to the report."

"What the…? The site was supposed to be clear."

"Hey, buddy. Hasn't anyone fed you today? Here you go."

"He's a data dog. Load him in a carrier. Someone in the Company can keep him as a pet."

"Christ. We found them."

"Execution style for all four. Pretty efficient."

"That's how these cyber heists work. One slip-up and the defense program burns away just enough of your brain to drive you crazy and make you think whatever the Company wants. The smart ones know how to take their time and bypass the system. The dumb ones end up getting the 'special training.'"

"Who are we looking at?"

"Spike Spiegel, age 27."

"Disposal."

"Jet Black, 36."

"Disposal."

"Edward Wong How… Edward Wong Hoo… Pepelu Tivrusky. The Fourth. 13."

"Disposal."

"This must be the one. She and the big guy were the only ones with their guns drawn."

"Sweet girl. Shame she had to get her brains splattered everywhere."

"Self-inflicted?"

"Sure looks like it. There's only one bullet missing from the clip. She probably took out the crew as soon as they deputized her and finished the job herself."

"Sounds about right. The Company always likes these to be quick in-and-out deals."

"Minor burn marks behind the left ear. She's the one they zapped, alright."

"What's her file say?"

"Faye Valentine, age unknown. Estimated early 20's. Wait, this can't be right…"

"What's the problem?"

"There's an extra note on the file. Says she was in the fridge for 50 plus years."

"Interesting. Mark her down for Dissection. Maybe they'll find out something useful about her. They'll want what's left of her brain tissue so they can analyze how the reprogramming went, at least."

"A gangster, an ex-cop, a kid, a dog, and a cryo-doll. What's with bounty hunters these days?"

"Looks like we're done here. Let's tow the ship in and see what we can salvage."


End file.
